They consider only one thing to be good: passing the time with amusements. From the bed they go to the table; from the table, to entertainment; and so their whole life passes, as they run without stopping from one sin to the next: hell opens wide its jaws to swallow them all, and they throw themselves into it.¹

Words like this keep me up at night. This is how I live my life. I ignore my exile from the garden and satiate myself with all manners of pleasure--ignoring repentance and the restoration of the image of God in my life. I am nothing like Christ. I fill my belly with food, my heart with lust, my flesh with pleasure, my pocket with worthless money, and spend my time moving from one distraction to the next devoting meager minutes of my life to God. It is probably an act of arrogance to call myself a Christian. If I am one at all, it is by God's mercy and patience alone. 

1. St. Nikodim of the Holy Mountain, What God has done for our Salvation (Holy Trinity Monastery, 2006), 28-29

I find it easy to go about my day and do nothing worthwhile. My indolence comes from a habit of thinking only about myself; what I will occupy my time with to sate my boredom, to distract me from reality, and, above all else, to bring pleasure to myself. If I spent more of my time remembering that my very existence is a gift, perhaps my life would be better spent.

I do not consider it esoteric to think about my existence. It befuddles my heart and my mind that I am even here, and I am grateful that I reject the banality of an existence apart from creation--an accident rather than something purposeful. A man should be aware of the greatness of the gift. Each of us is made for communion: communion with God, with one another, and with creation itself. To reject that is to embrace the fact that one's entire existence amounts to the mundanity of constantly indulging oneself until death.

The more a man considers the greatness of the gift, the more his heart grows to love the One who gave it. I am convinced that the greater his realization of the gift of his being, the greater his love will become for Him who bestowed it.

Enlightened by the greatness of the gift and by a burning love for his benefactor, he becomes more aware of the benefit the gift brings him. It is then that  man is able to begin truly to appreciate the value of the gift. Rather than go about my day doing nothing worthwhile, it is becoming my strongest desire to embrace this communion fully and to experience life as it was always meant to be. Or I could simply go about my day diddling and indulging myself until I die, never having truly appreciated this gift and never having truly lived.

In the beginning, mankind was created out of the abundant kindness and love of God and we were created for communion. Communion with God, with one another, and with creation itself. 

When our forebears fell by eating of tree of the knowledge of good and evil, so did this communion. This was an act of hubris on the part of man and, as is self-evident, this singular act has had devastating consequences. Sin has entered the world. 

It is important to not view sin as merely the breaking of rule or law. Rather we need to understand that engaging in it breaks communion with our Creator, with one another, and with creation. Mankind is now banished from the Garden of Eden. 

If we recall the history of our Fall, then we know that in addition to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, there was also the tree of life which had not yet been consumed. Most western Christians consider this to be our shared curse. 

A proper view treats our expulsion as an act of divine mercy and marks one of the beginning steps on the path to redemption. Out of love, man was expelled from the Garden so as to prevent him from eating of the tree of life in his fallen state. Death, then, becomes an act of mercy. Can you imagine an eternal existence in our fallen state, with all of our suffering, forever out of communion with God, with one another, and with creation?

In the calm of the night, my mind journeys—sometimes with lofty imaginings, sometimes with evil. Sometimes I am reminded of the mortality of the body and wonder: will I wake in the morning?

It is innate within all men, unless they are convinced by the evil one and by other men, that though their body is mortal, their soul is immortal. Whether my body lives or dies, I will wake in the morning. It will awaken unto heaven or unto hell, and each man prepares that place for himself by his good works or by his evil ones.

The evil one calls me to place my immortality in hell, while the Lord cries out to me to place my immortality in heaven by means of a little humility and repentance. How quick I am to journey with the devil through hedonism and carnal comforts! How quick I am to forget the way of the Lord and how quick I am to journey unto true death. How ignorant am I!